Thoughts on Happiness - Fuyuki Hotel

It didn't take long for Kirei to become restless. Lost in his own thoughts, his feet carried him down to the ground floor of the hotel. He was walking through the courtyard when he looked up to see Archer and Caster walking together. Odd to see those two together, he thought for a moment. Where were the rest of them?

"Atalanta," he greeted her stoically as they crossed paths.

"Hello Kirei," she replied. Her still damp hair and swimsuit, along with the towel draped around her shoulders indicated that she had been at the pool, at least. She had elisted Caster's help to give her an up-do that would cover her ears, and as she saw a group of people accross the courtyard, she tied her towel around her waist to conceal her tail. She half smiled at her master, "Enjoying the courtyard?"

"It's good to get some fresh air, at least," he answered. "Are you preoccupied? I was hoping to talk to you in private."

"Of course," she bid Caster farewell, though she felt less of a friend to leave him the only one without company. Perhaps Lazarus would wake up?...perhaps not. After he was a sufficient distance away, she turned to Kirei. "What would you like to speak about?"

"Come," he said, leading her out of the courtyard, "Let's find a place to sit down. I can buy you a meal if you haven't eaten yet."

"Oh...thank you, " she accepted hesitantly. She wasn't sure, but it seemed usually he left her to her own devices where food was involved. What an...interesting gesture. Eventually they found a small cafe attatched to the hotel. It was raining now, so the outside tables weren't inhabited, even though there were a few under an awning. The two ordered and moved to an outside table.

After ordering a small tea, Kirei began took a sip and set it back on its plate. "I don't believe we've ever discussed this, but... I was curious to know what your wish for the Holy Grail was."

Atalanta took a moment to put together an answer, "The wish that I came here with was for all children to be protected and happy. That they would all have a family and love, and not be abandoned as I was..." she took a sip of her own tea before continuing. "Now, however, I'm not sure that wish is the one the grail would sense within me. I have a somewhat selfish one now. I would like to remain and assist Yui and Lazarus with their works. Well...also to ensure that they do what they say they will. But I doubt that I can be sacrificed to the grail and then be brought back to have a life here. In the end it makes no difference, I would not have gotten my wish anyway, so I no longer worry about it being fulfilled." She took a bite of the small cake she had ordered. It was strawberry flavored, light, sweet, and covered in whipped cream that was tinged a slight pink. It reminded her of Astolfo.

Kirei frowned. "It would be a great disappointment for you to die thinking your wish can't be fulfilled. Is there no other way you can see it being granted?"

She laughed at his knitted brow, "A shame? Really? And who would sacrifice their wish so that I would have mine? You? Is it even possible for a servant to get their wish granted in the first place? It doesn't seem it is," she chuckled into her drink as she took another sip. "The only way now that I can see it being granted is through the great wish of Yui and Lazarus. Their goal is to fix many issues, the one I champion is, of course, on the list. Why are you asking in any case? It's not like you to care whether or not I'm disappointed..."

A small smile appeared on Kirei's face. "You know as well as me that I have no emotional investment in your wish. However, I am grateful with what you've done to help me during this War, and I wanted to repay the favor." He swirled his tea in the cup. "It's not as though I have any particular problem with cooperating with those two; I have no wish that I want granted. All I have is a question, which I may be reached by observing the true nature of the Grail."

"But I am not confident in their plan. The combined mana of the Grail should be enough to grant one wish of potentially unlimited power, but no more. Even for one that wishes for immortality, the remaining wishes may remain out of reach, however hard he works to fulfill them."

"Sacrificing all seven Servants is only necessary to reach the Root, which I have no interest in. Six is enough to utilize the power of the Grail for a wish of limited potential. Not every Servant needs to be sacrificed."

"Lazarus has claimed that with the knowledge gained from the root, and his own immortality, he will surely be able to find a way to make all our wishes come true. It may take time, of course, or even fail...but at least an attempt will be made. It's a better chance at realizing my wish than I started with." she set her chin in her hands, casting a dry glare at nothing in particular. She lazily chewed and swallowed another bite of cake before sitting up straight again, waving her hand dismissively, "And not that you aren't a man of many talents, Kirei, but I doubt you have a better plan. Less likely that you have one that will be satisfactory to me. I no longer truly trust the grail. I don't know that even if I was able to obtain it, if it would honestly grant my wish. Therefore I feel sacrificing myself to it in the pursuit of knowledge is a more worthwhile endeavor, and I plan to do it relatively soon. I'm almost finished with my goodbyes..." she concentrated on eating her cake then, staring down at it as her eyes began to glisten a little. She was able to keep tears from falling, but the corners of her mouth twitched downward before she could disguise it by taking a bite. She knew what she had been doing the past couple of days, but for some reason acknowledging it broke through her mask of calm. She continued eating and drinking, refusing to meet Kirei's eyes until she regained it.

Kirei rested his head in one hand, furrowing his brow in concern as her eyes watered up. "I suppose it would be too much to ask the other Servants to sacrifice themselves first. If I wished anyone to make it through this, it would be you." That came out as more sentimental than he had intended. Truthfully, Atalanta was just a trusted ally to him. Yet, he didn't lie when he said he was grateful to her, and this simple fact remained true.

She took a deep breath, and a long drink of tea. "That means little coming from you, but thank you I suppose." she was able to look at him again, and raised a questioning eyebrow, "So, what is it that brought on this line of questioning in the first place?"

He looked down at the table, as if wondering himself. "I suppose it is just finding us in these unique circumstances that has made me think. You had encouraged me to seek happiness, and I wanted to see if I could help in some way." No matter how hard he thought, he could think of no way out of their predicament. He took another long sip of his tea and gazed down at his returned Spells. "It seems we are both subject to the Grail's whims."

She sighed, returning to her glare, "You think I could not deduce the best way to help myself on my own? Who do you think you are, Kirei? How would we not both be subject to the grail's whims? We are not special!" she was clearly quite agitated now. "You are being uncharacteristically foolish today. You expect me to believe that you want to help me? No. I think you simply have injured pride and don't want to end the war under someone else's terms." she sneered a little as she said it, taking another sip of tea to try and calm her emotions. It was stupid to let this man taunt her. He probably was working to see her upset. She wrestled her anger down, and returned to her usual stoic face, though a slight blush of anger still graced her cheeks, "I will not let you pretend to care for what happens to me, simply to get a rise out of me. Even if you claim it's only to repay me for whatever I've done for you."

"Injured pride?" he echoed, frowning. "That's not true. It is not my circumstances that concern me, but--"

He stopped when he realized how ridiculous that statement sounded. Why was he so frustrated? He did not consider himself a sore loser; he'd been beaten before, and accepted it as fact. So why was it different, now?

And what exactly was he hoping to accomplish by convincing Atalanta not to sacrifice herself? The two of them could not possibly take on the other five by themselves. Indeed, whether or not Atalanta lived did not change his outcome--seeing the Grail be born. If anything, it was more beneficial to him to let Atalanta die, than to risk getting both of them killed. And he knew this from the beginning. So why was he trying to keep Atalanta alive when it pushed him further from his goal?

His face showed a confusing mix of emotions that betrayed his inner thoughts, some of which Atalanta may have never seen from him before. Frustration, confusion, and perhaps even a twinge of sadness. Eventually, he pushed them down.

"I don't know why I'm so frustrated, but it seems I've made a misjudgment. It's in neither of our best interests to prevent your sacrifice, and neither is it worthwhile to ruminate on a situation we can't change."

He was answered only with a strong glare before she continued to eat her cake. This man was being far too confusing. Usually she felt in tune with his thoughts but somehow she felt off, as if something was hidden from her. It could be her own emotions clouding her judgement however, so she kept her mouth shut for a few moments to consider her reactions before speaking. Eventually her visage softened, "Feel free to correct me, but as a master and servant, it seems we have a pretty deep connection. It often feels to me that I know your thoughts and feelings. Not completely of course, but it seems to be that way with the others as well. Does that seem normal? or factual?"

Kirei tilted his head slightly, unsure where this was leading. "I think you're right. As a result of our contracts, Masters and Servants' minds and emotions are somewhat connected. And of course, there are there are the dreams, too. Though I hadn't heard about that until it actually occurred."

The huntress nodded, "That's agreed, then. I ask because while usually I can get a very clear feeling from you. I have no trouble following your thoughts, but during this conversation, I've felt cut off and confused. I don't know why..."

"Is that so?" Kirei thought for a moment. "Perhaps it's because I'm not sure how I even feel myself. I'm... quite troubled."

He shifted to the side. "I've never felt... exactly like this before. Other people might find it natural to feel frustrated when being forced to act against their will, but I don't think that's it. Even with defeat in battle, I rarely feel genuinely upset. Being frustrated presumes I am denied something I desire, and I never had any real desires. But now I am troubled."

His eyes widened as though he had suddenly realized something, but just as quickly averted his eyes.

"If you are feeling cut off, perhaps it is because I subconsciously wanted to hide these feelings."

"That makes sense..." the servant considered heavily what this might mean, but could not particularly guess. "If there is anything I can do to help you work it out, please let me know."

The priest nodded. "I will. Thank you. Likewise, if there's anything I can do to help you with this process, let me know."

Despite his gratefulness, he couldn't help but feel embarassed. Atalanta had made the decision herself to help him, but to some extent, he felt like a child needing to be taught how to walk.

Atalanta leaned forward, propping her elbows on the small cafe table as she considered if there were indeed anything she needed help with. She looked him over with her chin in her hands. He seemed so...naive. She knew he wasn't, but at the moment he had the appeal of a lost puppy. Holding his gaze, she slipped a foot out of her sandal and deftly slid her toes along the inside of his thigh. She pressed firmly on his manhood, massaging it with her foot. Her face did not change it's expression the whole time, leaving anyone observing none the wiser. 
This might not help with whatever process he was thinking of, but it would definitely help her with something.

Kirei's eyes widened briefly in surprise, but he smirked. He did offer, after all. "As you wish."

He pulled his room key out of his pocket. For a moment, he considered going to a room further away than the one shared by the others. But no, he decided. Their discomfort would be amusing.